Don't Post Stupid Signs

So do tease them?

I have no idea what "Dont" means. Maybe it's German for I forgot my contractions. Either way I am utterly baffled at the negligence in the sign here. A quick glace could tell me, "Hey! It's okay. Taunt the dangerous lions. We do not care about your safety whatsoever."

Remember, you put an apostrophe in a contraction where you omit a letter. It isn't donot, that would be silly looking. So in "don't" you are omitting the 'o' in not and replacing it with an apostrophe. That's what apostrophes are used for in contractions.

Until then, tease those animals away pinhead.

Friggin' Morons

I saw this and had to share this with the world. Don’t forget the right version of “you’re.”

Riiiiight.

Thanks Grammar Lady!

Grammar Lady speaks the truth. Apostrophes are always used when determining possession. Make sure to put it before the ‘s’ to show singular possession such as  unlike this sad sign.

Even if there is an ‘s’ at the end of the word such as Smiths, you would still have a an apostrophe at the end of the word because it is a plural possessive. For example, “the Smiths’ car had a flat on the way to church this morning.” Or, “the boys’ tents wouldn’t set up properly because of the rain.” The Smiths' is plural because it's a family on their way to church. The boys' is plural because there are more than one boy setting up tents, therefore the apostrophe goes at the end of the word rather than before the s.

Artists aren't allowed to be ignorant anymore.

The apostrophes possessive rule is a bit of a complicated one but with practice one can master the apostrophe in no time!

MADNESS

Apostrophes are great. They do so many wonderful things for us. However, the cartoon below pokes fun at what many people love to do with our favorite punctuation mark.

Yes. There are people in the world whose sole purpose in life is to infuriate students who went to school and learned that APOSTROPHES NEVER INDICATE PLURAL. EVER. END OF STORY.

And yet there were a plethora of images upon searching Google Images of these pinheads who continue to make grammarians writhe in their skins. Frankly I’m starting to do the same.

This does not help Christian's at all.

Careful! The P.C. Police will get you on this one.

I saw this and laughed, a lot. I can be a bit immature about these things.  I can see some super liberals head exploding at the audacity to describe someone as “pretty black.” The best part is the person who is now headless was white, but I digress.

This is simple common sense people. Careful where you put it to avoid confusion (and potential lawsuits).

I believe I see the humor in the picture but I won’t spoil it for you.

Oh Democrats. You slay me.

First I have to get you to watch this video clip because it’s about Democrats and I enjoy Bob Hope.

Now onto the subject of this post: Democrats and their pinheadedness.

Take a gander at the billboard some of the brightest of America has put up for all to see.

Correction: Democrats make Grammarians cry.

Now what we see here is what we would call the oh so famous comma splice. Sounds pretty nasty doesn’t it? Well it will be if the grammar police find you and demand a public apology to the poor for making such a mistake in including them in such a pinheaded move.

A comma splice happens when two independent clauses are connected by a comma. Unfortunately for our little comma friend, he does not have the strength to complete such a feat. Instead we get a sad comma and angry grammarians. Our comma needs some help. What you can do to fix this blunder is replace your sad little comma with a coordinating conjunction such as and, but, for, and so. If you’re feeling particularly brave you could replace the comma with a colon or semicolon. This would make your poor comma so much happier.

So remember kids, don’t be an ignorant Democrat.

How Not to Make a List

Probably one of the first rules of commas you learned were making lists. Commas are a necessity in making lists of things that have more than three items. For example, I enjoy ice skating, long walks on the beach, smooth jazz, and a good glass of scotch. That is an eloquently written list of activities and things that a classy man would enjoy. Take note future gentlemen. Make sure to separate each interest or item in your list so not to confuse yourself and others in strange behaviors. That way a future employer doesn’t read your resume and notice that you enjoy cooking dogs up like said person below:

You horrible dog-eating person.

So the rule as stated in The Elements of Style, “in a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction, use a comma after each term except the last.”

For example,

          Red, white, and blue

          Gold, frankincense, and myrrh

          Trains, planes, and automobiles

You get the idea. Separate your ideas.

There is Comma 101 for all you saps out there who continue to cook dogs. May you correct your mistakes forever and prevent yourself from being a punctuation pinhead.